So, the other day, I never really ended any poem. Bad day, I guess. Maybe today I'll try that again.

So, today's one of my best friends' birthday! Which means it is a greaaaat day! It has to be. Hey, birthdays must have that good ol' magic while we're still young, right? It's like a day when anything you want has a chance to come true (even if hardly). Birthdays are about hope. I always keep believing that on one of my birthdays something fabulous will happen. However, that always leads to dellusion when it's past midnight and the day is over. God, why can't one love surprises? Surprises are great. Not all of them, but still, intentions gotta mean something. Nothing great has ever happened on my birthday. No pleasant surprise, no big freaking party on which I actually had fun, no friends to keep me company even, except for the last three years.

But still, birthdays are about believing. About... Having fun. It's a day that, no matter what age you're turning into, always makes you feel a little bit relieved from obligations. At least for me, my birthday's on a holiday. It's not like I'll ever have an exam on my birthday. So, that's how I feel. But no one ever remembers my birthday. And I hate that because I really make an effort to try to memorize everybody's birthday.

But let's not make this about me. Catarina is having her birthday today. Seventeenth birthday. Yeah, that one, which hurts like hell, because we stop being sixteen, but we're not exactly turning eighteen. It's just plain... stupid, I guess. Such a plain number. You stop being that promiscuous teenager (not that I was EVER promiscuous or will EVER be) whom is in the flower of age (I'm not sure this expression exists in English), but you're not an adult yet. You're getting ready for adulthood. And that's just so bloody freaking annoyingly BORING. I mean, who cares? Let's just keep saying we're sixteen. Why not?

But let me make this clear: I don't hate this age now as much as I did when I actually turned seventeen. Back then I was like 'Oh no, now I'm losing the sweet sixteen thing forever, and I'm getting ugly, less smart, annoying and whatever'. Well, it hasn't stopped being true. But I've come to see that there are better things out there, in the place I'm heading to. Such as college, travelling, maybe even family. Because I'd like to have a family. Get married even. I'm just afraid no one will ever want to be part of my family and then, I'll be all alone till I age and die. Gosh, no one will pay for my funeral. And if that happens, it will be such a great disappointment that I prefer not having such expectations for now.

But I'm actually pretty excited about turning eighteen. I'm even thinking about getting a license during Christmas holidays so then I only have to have the exam (and pass it, of course).... Another thing I wanna do when I turn eighteen is commiting a crime. Don't tell anyone, especially because I don't know yet what I'll be doing. But I'll commit it, just so I can prove myself I'm still independent, no matter I should be responsible for what I do from now on. So, these aren't very straight-forward objectives, but at least, they make me feel less scared about aging. Too bad the elections are before my birthday. Voting is truly the highlight of me turning eighteen, somewhere in future. Always has.

Labels: believe, birthday, friends, future, license